I know it sounds like a bad seventies song title (if it isn't, it probably should be), but the title of this is all about the significance of the following event:
The other day I was the lucky recipient of a red lollipop! I got this via a mate who said he was told to pass it on to me by a girl who we both know, but not know that well. What I want to know is what does this all mean? As the girl is very attractive I know what I would like it to mean, but from past experience, I also know that I'm a very bad interpreter of human behaviour, especially when it comes to the ladies! What her gift symbolises, if it means anything at all, is completely beyond me. Is it just that she has a surplus of red lollipops that she wanted to get rid of, or is there a deeper meaning in there some where?
What do you think?
The count down has begun! In a few weeks time I will be heading north to this place for a few days holiday:
As breaks go, my trip to Stockholm is one that I am particularly looking forward to. I have always been curious about this part of the world, as a land that can boast the genesis of ABBA, Europe (the eighties pop group) and Ikea promises to be completely ecclectic. My knowledge of the place is not extensive though - apart from being able to name it as Swedens capital, that it is comprised of a number of islands, the only other things I can tell you about Stockholm is that it's population is just under 800,000 people, and that loads of blonde women live there. For me it is a place of mystery.
My main concern is the living costs. I remember someone at work saying that Stockholm was on a par with London in terms of things such as the price of eating out, but other rumours suggest that it is close to the £6.00 pounds per pint mark that is apparently typical in Scandanavia. I guess the truth will soon be revealed. Another thing I am trying to find out is what sort of things you can do in Stockholm - if anyone out there knows of interesting places in the town worth seeing, or beer festival type events worth going to, just drop me a line!
What with the after shock of the credit crunch, you would be forgiven for thinking that the challenges facing the Sales and Marketing industry have never been greater, but it looks as if a car dealership in the state of Missouri, USA has found a sure fire way to beat those high street recessionary blues.
This enterprising motor retailer offers the prospect of the following deal - buy any car from them and you qualify for a free gift of a hand gun or a $250 dollar petrol card. The handgun, a Kel-Tec .38 pistol, comes very highly recommended by the car vendor as it apparently fits very well into a pocket, and it has proved to be by far the most popular option, quadrupling the number of cars and trucks sold by the firm. You'll have to be quick though as this tantalising offer only lasts until the end of the month.
The success of this campaign poses some interesting questions for those marketing and sales folk - could this winning formula be applied to other products. Would the slogan 'Buy a burger, get a switch blade free' attract more people into our fast food emporiums? Could the tempting offer 'Tired of Chavs? Clean up more than just your kitchen with this free base ball bat' boost the sales of detergents? From the evidence above the approach does seem to hold some appeal.
It would be a shame if this form of campaign became popular - it wouldn't say that much about social values. I guess it's just a question of watching this advertising space...
A momentous event has occurred on May the 14th 2008 if you believe in these things:
The Ministry of Defence (MOD) has released no less than 160 formerly classified files detailing their investigations of UFO's (Unidentified Flying Objects) and the monitoring of extra-terrestrial activity. These are considered by some to be the UK equivalent of the 'X-Files', whose entry into the public domain has been long awaited by British UFO enthusiasts across the land.
The files contents sound pretty eclectic - there is an account of a person who claimed to have had 'relations' with an extra terrestrial from the tender age of seven, a happy state of affairs that dramatically ended when the unfortunate alien was killed by members of another intergalactic race. There is also the tale of the person who was astounded by the sight of a flying object with flashing coloured lights that was heading very rapidly towards...Heathrow Airport! Quelle suprise!
Since much of the evidence is of this high calibre, the information contained in the MOD data proves absolutely didly squat about the existence of alien life forms.
Another thing that seems a bit of a croc is the alien visitation and abduction claims. These have an underlying assumption that a race of beings, capable of time and interstellar travel, will naturally choose the local hillbilly wino as a first point of contact on reaching Earth. Yeah right. An absolutely brilliant publicity stratagem.
Personally, I would love it if there was proof of something else being out there. It is certainly a statistical possibility, and I have always been a bit of a sci-fi fan since childhood, but judging by the evidence produced so far, the only hope I have of encountering aliens is by watching 'Star Wars'.
These little fellas have been the bane of my life during the summer months over the last few years:
They may be microscopic and look innocuous, but the weeping sore eyes, the runny nose, the general fatigue and the flu like symptoms they induce in me make pollen spores my all time public enemy number one. I developed Hay Fever at school as a teenager, where it conveniently kicked in whilst I was studying for my A levels. Since then, the start of summer has been marked by that familiar prickling sensation behind my eyes, and the never ending quest for snot free tissues.
Over the years I have been given quite a bit of advice about how to treat my pollen allergy. Taking Vitamin C apparently assists the bodies’ natural defences against the symptoms by boosting the immune system, but you do have to be careful when choosing your Vitamin C supplement, as some can cause diarrhoea - the last thing you want is another part of your body running uncontrollably! Another way, which sounds like much more fun, is to eat honey that is produced in your local area. According to the logic, locally produced honey contains small amounts of pollen spores from the grass strains in your area, which when consumed, allows your body to build up resistance to the pollen, effectively inoculating you against the harmful affects. As a pragmatist, I have found the most effective way to deal with my pollen phobia is the most unpolitically correct one - just do the drugs. I am not talking about heroine or crack cocaine here - just a tablet and a few squirts of nasal spray. They are relatively cheap, and for me they work quickly.
Admittedly, this year hasn't been too bad so far. Up to a week ago the arctic weather has meant the pollen count has been kept in check. The recent sunshine and higher temperatures have put paid to this, and that slight stinging around my eyes, and the beginning of an itching sensation in my nose suggest that an urgent trip to the chemist is in order...
Phobias are indeed strange things - their origins can prove to be equally as baffling to the sufferer as to the casual observer, and in some extreme cases, the effects of them can be completely debilitating. The only phobia I ever remember having occurred years ago, when I was a small child. Back then, a visit to the dentist was a one way trip to terror, mainly due to these:
I just hated the drill - the sound it made, the sensation as it broke into your teeth, the very look of it was enough to send chills up my spine. For years I was unable to watch the film ‘Marathon Man' because of that one very disturbing scene.
As I got older, these irrational child hood fears became easier to deal with, but a lingering distrust of dentists still remained. Towards the end of my first term at university, I got a gum infection due to a decaying back molar- the left side of my face had ballooned. I made an appointment, and found myself in the surgery of a very cheery Aussie dentist, who after taking one look in my diseased gob made the following diagnosis:
"It's got to come out, mate."
As I was expecting some advanced, sophisticated dental technique to be used, I was not that bothered, and it was only when he produced a weapons grade, industrial sized pair of pliers that worry very rapidly set in.
"Don't worry, mate, you won't feel a thing!"
Thankfully his assurances were correct. The anaesthetic that was applied numbed the area around the tooth completely, but there was still a slight problem. My molar was not budging - it was happy where it was!
"It's certainly a stubborn little bugger"
I was certainly in no position to disagree with his medical opinion - in fact, giving any sort of reply was just not an option - my head was wedged firmly against the bosom of an admittedly very pretty dental assistant, whilst my jaw was being held in the vice like grip of the pliers. The level of brute force was increased gradually. Even though nothing was being felt through the tooth, the issue of how long my neck would withstand the level of punishment was causing concern. He was just stopping short of putting his foot on my head and putting a tow rope around the pliers. Eventually, out and out aggression won the day - the molar shattered, and the dentist was able to pull out the remnants a lot more easily. A couple of stitches later and it was all over.
"How much will it cost?" I asked, sensing that my already meagre student income was to be diminished a whole lot more. His reply was brief and to the point.
"Loads."
He wasn't lying either.
Now I have never considered myself to be Scrooge like, but there is one particular Yuletide festivity that I can only describe as a load of old humbugs - the Christmas dinner.
The sight of the pale, flaccid, dry pieces of Turkey on the plate is enough to kill even the healthiest of appetites, and the 25th of December is often the excuse to launch an overwhelming attack of the worst vegetables known to man, yes you've guessed it...
...sprouts. These really are vile, and can only be the spawn of Satan. To be fair, my hatred of sprouts stems from a childhood trauma at school, when I was force fed the revolting vegetables by an over zealous dinner lady, whose ideas of spreading the Christmas Spirit probably originated from Dickensian times. Ever since then I have hated them, and since Turkey tastes almost as disgusting as sprouts themselves, the Christmas meal does absolutely nothing for me.
What has always surprised me is that how many people put up with stomaching this repellent fare. A lot of friends and relatives have admitted to sharing my view, and when I ask them why they keep buying it, the answer is always the same - it is traditional. This has always struck me as a bit of a lame argument as Public Hangings and Corporal Punishment were also once traditional, but no one wants to maintain them!
I would much rather have a Pot Noodle and a pint.
Have a Happy New Year!
...is one possible definition for Karaoke, in some cases at least. Never before has the slaughter of so many innocent songs been carried out by so few! It is almost criminal!
I have to say now that I don't do any of the singing. This is because of humanitarian reasons - the world is not quite ready for the full extent of my vocal talents. Also, I have yet to consume the volume of alcohol required for the courage to step up to the MIC.
The complete lack of singing ability does not faze everyone however. At a local pub pub, there is a lady who specialises in completely murdering ABBA tracks, and some of the vocalisation is on a par with that of the early stage X Factor rejects. On the whole though, the standard of singing is usually ok, and when you add this to the gratuitous displays of dad dancing that are common place at these events, the whole thing becomes surreally entertaining, especially after a few pints.
At the last one I attended, one of the barmaids got up on the stage to sing K T Tunstall's ‘Black Horse and The Cherry Tree'. Being a fan of the song, my expectations were not high, but she completely confounded them - she was really good! She was far the best singer I had ever heard at a Karaoke. It turned out that she is currently in a band, though I never found out the name. I hope she is around for the next one.
What would you do if someone told you that you were loquacious?
I was told this on a very recent date, and the thing I did was to ask her what it meant. Her definition was 'talkative', which at the time, I took to be quite a nice thing to say - my initial interpretation was that she was saying I was easy to talk to , which I certainly felt ok about.
Afterwards at home, over a pint, I was mulling over the events of the date as you do, and out of sheer curiousity, I looked the word up in the MS Word dictionary. The definition given there for loquacious was:
'tending to talk a great deal'
which puts a completely different spin on it, as I thought this was suggesting that I was talking a load of BS!
At the moment I am leaning towards the BS thoery, but that could just be the old post date paranoia. It is certainly food for thought though...
To answer the question of the title, probably not…but I recently had my first attempt at writing an article. This originated from a bit of late night surfing I was doing one Saturday night. I found this site where you have to submit articles on specified subjects (the title of this category was Vampires and Vampirism), and this gadget called a rating engine gives a ranking to it in respect of all the other articles submitted in the category. If you are still awake and interested, and example would be aricle A by A is the highest ranked and so is at the top of the list of articles in that category…and so on.
To cut a short story even shorter, I had a go, and the following is the article I submitted:
‘Vampires have always had a bit of an image problem in modern culture - personally I blame the movies - all those films starring Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing portrayed Dracula as an evil, corrupt, red eyed fiend who was very much into vestal virgins, but not very partial to stake. Later on, the ‘Blade’ movies developed this theme further, adding a political element into the mix - the undead now had a foreign policy of world domination, wanting to topple us humans from the top of the food chain, which is not very sporting if you think about it.
With all this bad press it is not surprising that Vampirism is not exactly a celebrated cause. Even in these politically correct times, there are no lobbyists for vampire rights, calls for garlic free zones, or even concessions on coffins - whatever way you look at it, they are given a very hard time - is this fair when all they really want is a drink? OK, they do feed on human blood, but in modern life there are plenty of other ways in which you can be bled dry - any one who has had any dealings with the tax system will know what I mean.
If you actually think about the pros and cons, Vampirism is not a necessarily an unpleasant proposition - there is the possibility to live for thousands of years, relationships are not really a problem as it is usually a case of love at first bite, you don’t have to get up in the morning. All you have to worry about is the extra dental care and avoiding getting a suntan. As a lifestyle option it has it’s attractions.’
The rating engine ranked this opus 2nd out of the two articles in the category. I am not bitter though - the author of the other article had done a whole lot more research than my good self, and probably had consumed a lot less alcohol when writing it. I guess that is enough excuses.
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Roy said:
I hop you are right! Date number 4 went ok - we had a Chinese meal and then went on... read more
on To BS or not to BS, that is the question.... -
Changa said:
If it's number 4, then I would think that she probably enjoys your loquaciousness, eh? I agree, I hate those... read more
on To BS or not to BS, that is the question.... -
Roy said:
Yeah - the next one will be date number four so I hope I can be equally loquacious! I hate... read more
on To BS or not to BS, that is the question....
Thanks...the current status of #5 is still undecided. read more
on To BS or not to BS, that is the question....